Driving

As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang.
Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him,
"Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on Interstate 77.
Please be careful!"
”Heck”,said Herman,
"It's not just one car. It's hundreds of them!"

Hearing

A man was telling his neighbor, 'I just bought a new hearing aid.
It cost me four thousand dollars, but its state of the art.
It's perfect.'
'Really,' answered the neighbor. 'What kind is it?'
'Twelve thirty', he replied.

Memory

My memory's not as sharp as it used to be.
Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be

Beer

Three old guys are out walking.. First one says,
'Windy, isn't it?' Second one says, 'No, it's Thursday!'
Third one says, 'So am I. Let's go get a beer.'

Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

Win trip 2 NY

Show LG your #BestShotEver and win a trip to New York and two G4s http://www.androidcentral.com/show-lg-your-bestshotever-and-win-trip-new-york-and-two-g4s